Log 7.2: Join the Club

In true bumbling ‘better late than never’ fashion, we have discovered a magical little people.

No, not those garden gnomes – the club, the Garden Gnomes!

Just make the call to start a gathering and they come to save the day, turning your smoky, bug-infested shrubbery into twinkly green bearers-of-food! What’s best? They can’t decline. They pop right over and work their little hearts out, a captive audience for whatever else you may need Simian contact for. And when you’ve sent them home and are proudly assessing the day’s fresh haul, you only feel a little bit guilty.

I thought everything was rotten, but I could make a mean smoothie out of this!

This highly exploitable mechanic gave us a terrible thought, which we’ll blame on Gardener..

Wait.. why not use this functionality to meet chicks!

And so we set about to create our own little social club. Preferred activities would include being nice to everyone and playing video games. (Ace wouldn’t let us choose “be romantic to everyone” — such the downer slash gentleman!) Surely this little boost would make that whole advancing the legacy thing a bit easier, and only minimally creepier. Now we just needed to invite some folks!

“Hmm,” Gardener wondered aloud as he scanned the listing, “since I didn’t make a trait requirement, it doesn’t really tell me anything about them. Who should I add..”

At least tell me their age or something!

“Pancakes?” asked Ace, whose turn it was to cook.


“Really? Ok – Bob or Eliza?” Gardener asked. “I’ll do both.” And with a couple quick clicks, half the club roster was filled.

“Neither,” Ace laughed, “I made pancakes. You wanna eat?”

“Oh shit!” Gardener panicked, “I think it already sent the invite.”

“El-oh-el,” Ace teased. “Excellent start.”

“Ugh, It’s okay. I have two slots left for hot..” he paused and clicked Invite on the two most attractive woman-faces in the listing, “blondes!”

Awwwww yeah!

Ace sighed and shook his head, chuckling to himself. This was gonna be fun to watch. Or painful.

Probably both.

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