Log 5d: This Is Not My Shoe

There are few things in life that are more loathsome and obnoxious than a gloating Family sim.

Is "matronizing" a thing?
Really wish she’d stop looking at me like that.

“Ede, you’re glowing,” Coop said, amused.

“What??” Ede asked, flustered.

“You actually like this man,” Coop clarified.

“Oh god, mom,” said Ede, “Will you stop already!”

It was true though. For the first time in her whole life, Edelweiss had been getting certain-sim-specific romantic wishes. To make matters worse, these were, like, storybook romantic wishes and not her usual grocery-store-pulp-novel romantic. To illustrate, plaguing her for the last three days was a wish to ask the mailman to go steady.

"Go steady! Who even does that? That's like, middle school, or bad TV, or something."
“Go steady! Who even does that? That’s like, middle school, or bad TV, or something.”

Ede’d been doing what she could to stay on top of her emotions, but it was rough. Mirror pep-talks were supposed to help, but they weren’t really making her feel all that peppy.

“I am not a cowardly, fumbling idiot.”

Even though I totally look like one.
even though I totally look like one.

“I am not a cowardly, fumbling idiot.”

Had the world finally broken her? Was she one of those women now — an I-do-what-I-want-when-I-want liberated gal turned monogamous, corny sap? And all it took was a few simdays of shattered confidence and a series of platonic encounters with a sharp-witted mailman?

“I am not a cowardly, fumbling idiot.”

Resist, Sister! Fight!!

I'm motherplumming Ede Wolff!
“I’m Ede motherplumming Wolff!”

Oh, she had some old-Ede impulses in her still. They were just all directed towards this one person now, and that was frustrating as hell.

Whoever made this plum up is a plum.
“Whoever made this plum up is a freakin’ plumhole!”

“What if he’s busy or something?” Ede ranted, “Am I just supposed to wait around?”

“That’s why they invented showers, dear,” Coop teased.

Cooper was LOVING this. She found it to be absolutely hilarious. Partly because she’s Evil, but also, as a Family sim she felt particularly gratified seeing someone who thought themselves above and beyond all this stuff being hopelessly tormented by it. ..Wait, that sounds like Evil again. ;P

At any rate, this whole thing had really warmed Coop’s heart towards her daughter, whom she’d previously thought to be a lost cause. And for her part, Coop really was trying to be supportive, even if it came across as patronizing sometimes.

Is "matronizing" a thing?
Is “matronizing” a thing? ‘Cause you’re doing it.

“This is how us normies have to play it, hon,” Coop told Ede. “It’s not easy!”

Ede could not get this guy out of her head. She was just desperate enough to swallow her pride and message her brother for advice. The two had been super close growing up, but had one fundamental difference when it came to romantic philosophy: Ede was a Serial Romantic, while her brother Elder was a Soulmate.

How to phrase this without sounding like a total plum..
Let’s see.. how to phrase this without sounding like a total plum..

So. Question. How do you get closer to someone without getting closer to them, if you know what I mean?

He wrote right back.

Whoa, back up! Do my eyes deceive me? Has my already-figured-it-all-out sister finally met her match? And she now comes to me, the corny sap, for advice? This is rich!
P.S. Who are you and what have you done with Edelweiss?

Ede sighed aloud. She supposed that’s what she gets for always having been so vocally critical of her brother’s unshakable belief in all things wholesome and sweet. She was too emotionally drained to defend herself, at this point.

5d email 1

“Laugh it up, fuzzball.

Another speedy reply.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry, that was insensitive of me. Just spend time together, Ede. Relax and don’t try to rush everything. Do something light and fun. In public, if you can stand it. Hands to yourself. And don’t do that thing you like to do with your hips, lol.
I’m excited for you! Gotta run — love you lots, Elder”

This was all stressing poor Ede out. She was taking cold showers, hoping to get her head straight before the party tonight. Her mom was celebrating her promotion to Shadow Agent and she wanted it to be a fun night for her. Hosting a house party was way outside of Ede’s comfort zone, but she wanted to show her mom that she could handle it. It couldn’t be that hard, anyway – and it was just for a few hours, right?

Ede invited everyone she knew, whether or not she knew knew them. Went downtown and told everyone she saw about it, too. Even the mailman had been informed.

She wasn’t sure if he’d show up, but he did. That probably should have been a comfort, but it only seemed to aggravate things for Ede.

Looking a wee bit frantic, there.
“Plum, you’re here!”

“Hello to you, too,” he laughed.

“You changed your shirt,” Ede sorta-greeted back.

“Yes, yes I did,” he acknowledged.

“It’s still blue though,” she stated.

“Yep. Blue shirt.” He raised his eyebrows at Ede, inviting her to start making sense.

What on earth is with her tonight?
Are we going somewhere with this?

“Should I change my shirt?” she asked, troubled.

“If you want to, Edelweiss,” he laughed. “What’s this about?”

Oh no.. I think I left something on the stove!
“Oh no.. I think I left something on the stove.”

Oops. She left something on the stove. Way to catch the house on fire, Ede!

This is actually kinda funny.
This is actually kinda funny, right?

Luckily, she was able to put it out quickly, and only a couple of the guests even noticed.  Had to spend most of the household cash reserve to replace that darn expensive stove though, leaving her with nowhere near enough for the next round of bills. But she’d figure that out later – for now, the confidence boost from firefighting *almost* had her in the green again. She felt like she might be able to manage this thing after all.

She made her rounds and somehow, most of the guests actually seemed to be having a good time.

Lots of people were dancing upstairs!
Lots of people were dancing upstairs!

Ede bumped into the mailman again, her brother’s words echoing in her mind like commandments that must be obeyed lest she unwittingly bring forth armageddon.

“Hands to myself,” she muttered aloud, as her hands tried to do the opposite.

No, hands!
No, hands! Return to me!

“What’s that?” he asked, not quite hearing what he thought he was hearing.

“Is this light and fun?” she asked.


“Um,” he laughed uncomfortably, “I don’t even know how to answer that, Edelweiss. Are you having fun?”

She wanted to say, “No, I am not having fun. And by the way, may I please take you somewhere and silence these thoughts?” but that seemed like it would be a little damning and a lot out of line.

Ede’s second damning impulse was to do her flirty little hip thing and fire off a sassy retort, but she caught that one just in time — hopped up and jolted her body straight again, arms rigid at her sides.

“Are you okay?” he asked, alarmed by her sudden movement.

“I’m good!” she said, quickly turning away. “Just holding off the apocalypse.”

That's it, Ede. Now lose that darn smirk.
That’s it, Ede. Now lose that darn sultry smirk and the eyebrow thing, too.

God, will this party never END?

Still dancing!
Still dancing!

With Ede shunning all other interests, ex-flame and neighbor Landon here has finally been free to go. He’d been flirting with the redhead all night – they’re pretty cute together. She’s Goofy, which is fun to watch. The blonde is Ede’s cousin Adalyn, daughter of Digitalis. And I’m not sure which of Easter’s identical twins this is dancing – probably Elicanto though, as he’s really into music. 🙂

Cooper had been observing the mailman and Ede interacting all evening. She had a certain smug, edgy kind of smile on her face when she sat down beside him.

5d coop 1

“So,” she asked, “when are you going to tell her?”

“Pardon?” he asked.

What a bizarre evening this had been for the mailman. The daughter was behaving beyond strangely to him all night, and now he was being challenged to some kind of cryptic duel by the mother?

5d coop 2
Don’t play coy with me, boy. You know exactly what I mean.

“When,” Cooper asserted, “are you going to tell my daughter that you’re in love with her?”

Wow. No beating around the bush there. Before he could even fathom a response, though, Cooper began to laugh.

Sweet Plum, where am I?
Sweet Plum, what dark portal have I stepped into?

This was no ordinary laugh. It was a deep, rumbling, primeval thing that made the hair on his arms stand up. She seemed to lose herself in it for a moment. And then she got up and threw her drink at him.

Well, that could have gone better.
Well, that could have gone better.

A weaker, wiser man would’ve hightailed it out of there, but the mailman just took a little breather and got himself cleaned up, and then he went to check on Edelweiss. It took him a bit before he finally spotted her, hiding out on the 2nd floor balcony.

5d balcony 9
Of course she’d be out there.

“You changed your shirt again,” Ede stated without really looking.

“Yes, well. Your mother interrogated me, and then she slipped into some kind of otherworldly cackle-trance and topped the whole thing off by throwing her drink at my head.”

Wait, what?
Wait, what?

“She did what now?”  Ede asked, turning to look at him.

5d balcony 1

Oh my god. His face. And he said that so matter-of-factly, Ede knew it had to be true as stated.

She just lost it, then. All of the evening’s frustrations poured out of her in a flood of beautiful, cleansing laughter.

Ede: "I'm so sorry, I just -- hahahaha!"
Ede: “I am so sorry, I just — your face, it’s — hahahaha!”

“Yes, that’s it,” he said dryly as Edelweiss laughed her ass off. “Take your time.”

Ede finally pulled herself together and stopped using the poor sweet man for comic relief.

5d balcony 5

“What’s your name?” she pleaded pitifully. “You’ve been putting up with all this stuff all night and I don’t even know your name.”

5d balcony 3

“Thought you’d never ask!” he teased, and introduced himself as though he were auditioning for a part in a reality show. “Malcolm Presley. Cheerful, Outgoing, Creative. I enjoy the color blue, long walks on the beach, and impossibly odd girls with cute ponytails and scary mothers.”

“Malcolm,” she mouthed slowly as the last part of his little bio sunk in. “Thanks.”  

Ede looked like she was going to cry, now. This night had clearly been too much. He didn’t feel right just leaving her out there, though maybe she’d prefer it if he did. A hug seemed appropriate, though? Respectful? Comforting, without taking advantage? Not likely to invoke the wrath of the mother?

God, look at her. I am so plummed.
God, look at her. I am so plummed.
Hey.. there, now.
“Hey.. there now, it’s gonna be alright.”

Malcolm wasn’t sure if anything could meet that last criterion, but in this case he felt it was worth the risk.

I've got you.
“I’ve got you.”

And then the “your party was a failure” popup came up, and I laughed and laughed.


15 thoughts on “Log 5d: This Is Not My Shoe

  1. Lol, this is a phenomenal update. Ede’s serial romantic adventures have played out perfectly with her perfectly impossibly falling in love. And why do your mailmen have such perfect traits? Lol! Gen 1 mailman did too.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yay!!! This was lovely! I’m so happy that the mailman has a name, though I’ll forever be on #teammailman–names complicate that! Heh. Yay for a hug. Makes me happy. And Coop…hahahahahaha! Her evil side is great 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. That email exchange was brilliant. Loved it! And “I enjoy the color blue, long walks on the beach, and impossibly odd girls with cute ponytails and scary mothers.” Nicely done! Annnnd…big win for #teammailman!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ugh! Like kiss him already Ede! You don’t wanna be a playa no more, get over it girl. Face the Minnie Riperton music and admit, “I’m in looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove-ove-ove-ove-ove-ove.!”

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Nice to see those high-confidence got-it-all-together types get re-acquainted with reality once in a while. Ede gets to learn she isn’t indestructible and that postal dude is the first of his species to have the upper hand–

    -Up until he breaks down at the end of the update.

    Key to “handling” interests– in either gender– Never let ’em know you care too soon. Throws the whole paradigm straight down the can.

    Oh and never let ’em see you sweat.. ever.

    * * * * *

    Oh the dead cow plant? Kick the bony mess over. Turn the page on everything!

    Liked by 1 person

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